Why purity and virginity are important to the sanctity of marriage

One thing I admire about Islam is their orthodoxy, their obedience to their faith.  I wish Catholics could take heed. My comments in red.  Emphasis added is mine.


As reported in the Star newspaper for July 6, 2009, JAKIM is nowadays receiving dozens of calls from young couples who wish to divorce for such reasons as having their birthdays or wedding anniversaries forgotten, the husband coming home late, husband or wife sleeping late, the wife forgetting to add sugar to the coffee, one spouse forgetting to bring KFC for the other, or the husband forgetting to shop for his wife’s list.  Sound familiar?


Zawiah Hassan, Assistant Director of JAKIM’s Family and Social Division, says she receives an average of five SMSes a day of this nature. She says, “It is really mind-boggling how young couples, some of whom have only been married for months, weeks, or even just days, so easily want to end their marriages for reasons that are ridiculous and trivial… They do not look at marriage seriously and do not know how to treat the relationship and their partners after they tie the knot.”


No Muslim sister, or even brother for that matter, who had struggled valiantly for some years to sustain their virginity before marriage could possibly be among those that call for divorce on such trivial grounds. Why do we say this?


Muslim marriage counseling over the years has revealed that, contrary to looking for an easy divorce, the man or woman who has indeed done his or her sacrifice in order to marry well expects a suitably high price for his or her continuing loyalty after marriage. Let us take a simple logical step beyond the actual Sunnah and define virginity as: “…that state of spiritual purity that exists as a result of total sexual abstinence before marriage, followed by total lifelong loyalty to your marriage partner after marriage.”


A Muslim expects suitable results and rewards for having endured such a struggle. Moreover, the struggle is even more difficult in a modern worldly environment devoted to sexual titillation and stimulation around every corner, either by means of advertising or entertainment styles, or even by means of misguided young people who think that public display of “sexiness” somehow enhances life.


And it is even more difficult in a world that expects its youth, exactly at the age of maximum biological urge to mate and procreate, to 1) go far away from home for college, 2) look for a life-partner all alone on that college campus, and 3) stimulate their “nafs” by extreme left-brain concentration on books and memorization, not to mention the stressful and lonely solitariness of such competitive intellectual struggles.


And – NOT TO MENTION the stress-relievers available to college students almost universally on non-Muslim campuses these days, i.e., mild drug-use, alcohol, parties (“raves”), and, also almost universal, spending the night with your boy- or girlfriend to “relieve the pressure” (what they call “recreational sex”).  Becoming Westernized-so you think it’s ok to do this?  Once you open Pandora’s box, it’s mighty tough to close it again!


Nowadays, the college degree becomes far more important to people, children and parents alike, than going to heaven. It is even sometimes necessary to ask Muslim parents who are demanding that their children graduate first, which they want for them, successful graduation or their virginity-upon-marriage? They may not be able to have both.  This is what the Pope is talking about in his most current encyclical

The young Muslimah who has protected her greatest spiritual value, that is, her virginity, until marriage, who has been totally loyal to the Qur’anic injunction to do extra fasting and praying rather than commit “zina”, is then well within her rights to demand respect and exclusive attention from her husband.


And for this reason, we may infer that couples who wish to divorce for trivial reasons are most unlikely to have been virgin upon marriage. Behind this report, then, we must acknowledge the yet further breakdown in Malaysia’s so-called “Muslim culture of virginity”.


A few years ago, there was a much-publicized debate on whether a Muslim could divorce his wife by hand phone. The triviality of this debate, the sheer unmitigated lunacy of it, served mainly to further discredit Muslims in the eyes of civilized non-Muslims everywhere.


Most tragic in all these discussions is totally ignoring their effect upon the children. Do Muslims, or any married couples, really believe that what children “do not know, cannot hurt them”? The parents make up the two halves of the children’s souls, once Allah swt has breathed His life and mercy into them. Can one of these “halves” simply disappear without traumatizing the children, NO MATTER WHAT THEY “KNOW” consciously?


And do husbands really believe that their wives will not be disturbed as long as they succeed in keeping knowledge of mistresses or “secret second wives” from them? Or, do wives really believe their husband and children will not be deeply injured by their infidelity, whether they know about it or not?


One brother of our acquaintance was disturbed throughout one night by dreams of a tank corps invading his home from Czechoslovakia. After he accidentally found the name card for his wife’s abortionist, he was able to ascertain that she had indeed betrayed him with a Czechoslovakian cuckold, even to the point of a pregnancy whose male perpetrator could not be ascertained.


Was it his own child? Or was it that of the cuckold? In any case, the child was murdered in the womb, since the western country in which they lived did not give this husband any powers to restrain his wife from the abortion. They were both ostensibly Muslim. And the husband certainly had, in this case, legitimate grounds for divorce.


Where did it all start? A couple of years before this, the wife had asked her husband for permission to discard her Muslim scarf. She even promised to keep up her prayers after doing so. Would the husband have had sufficient grounds to divorce his wife at this point? The death of that child in the womb might have been averted.


We tell this sad story to remind readers that what lies behind “trivial” or “ridiculous” divorces may be much more serious issues, and that Qur’anic law must be followed when married couples “fall out” with one another until the real issues are uncovered. Families must be called in to attempt mediation, before the “talaq” (verbal divorce) is declared. Neither JAKIM nor any other authority has the moral right to issue divorces without such careful inquiry. A sophisticated marriage and family counseling profession would help, or at least, a scholar who are trained in such counseling skills.


7 thoughts on “Why purity and virginity are important to the sanctity of marriage

  1. David,

    Am having a hard time with this one?? I understand what you are saying regarding the “divorce issue” especially in this nation. Also I agree with the “virginty” issue. What I am having a hard time with is what you are using for the example.

    Do you believe that the “law of the Ouran” is the inspired Word of God?

    I am in agreement on this. The Muslims “true Muslims” people we tend to forget are the seed of Abraham, just like Isaac. We believe the covenant was made through Isaac and they believe it was done through Ishmael. Of course God promised to bless the descendants of Hagar which He did. There are lots of Muslims.

    What I have a problem with for one, and I know what the Church teaches, but Allah is not the same God which we worship. We worship a Trinitarin God. Do I believe they are our brothers and sisters, yes, because of Who created us.

    To me the Bible is the inspired Word of God, and we as Christians need to follow what was set forth in that, regarding divorce and being a virgin, not the law of the Quran.

    Even though there are many many good Muslims, there are also those which believe people such as you and I need to be wiped off of the face of the earth, because of how we believe. They believe this because they do not believe in all that was done on the Cross.

    I had a very good Muslim friend, very very nice. One time he asked me, “What did Jesus do for you that Mohammad did not do for me?” Of course the response was, “He died for me.” This is what I was told by him. “To believe that Jesus is who we say He is, is making God a lesser God. God did not need Jesus, as He is God and can do anything He wants.” This was straight from the horse’s mouth so to put it.

    I agree with the heart of this message, am just having trouble with the source. I cannot obey the “law of the Quran” and remain true to who I am. I do not believe it is the inspired Word of God. The only law, if I am going to obey any law at all, comes from the Bible. I try to be faithful also to what the Church teaches. Outside of that there is no other book, that I will obey at all, excluding of course what we have to obey set up by the Congress and the like, at this time. It is getting close to where on some of that I will not be able to obey either.

    Again good post as far as the message. Just have hard time with the “law of the Quran.” Sandy

  2. No, of course, the Quran is not the inspired word of God. It’s the inspired word of Mohammed. But morally, I found the message excellent.

    But, Sandy, if (and I think this is a big IF) Islam stems from Abraham, then their God is our God. From a different point of view. But I don’t buy that Islam stems from Ishmael. The commonality we have with Muslims is that we both believe in one God.

    My difficulty with Islam stemming from Abraham/Ishmael is the length of history between Abraham and Mohammed-about 2500 years…

  3. Again I believe the message was an excellent message. I just had the problem where the Quran came into play in this, I did not know exaclty what you were saying when you said more or less, “to obey the law of the Quran.” I did not know if you thought God had inspired it or what? That is why I asked the question, as I knew this was very much out of “character” for you if you did.

    It is true, their God is our God by all means. He created them as well as He created us. We do share the belief in that God, where to me the line is drawn is we believe God is one in Three Divine Persons, and they do not. As far as them believing that God is the all powerful and awesome God which we worship they do. I do not really know David to tell you the truth, how to feel about how they view God. I struggle with this within myself. I am not saying they worship a “different God” as there is only One. I truly believe they believe in God, as the One Supreme Being. Yet there is this other for lack of a better term “two thirds of God” which is left out in their belief. So what do you call that? Can we only believe in the parts of God which we choose to believe in and it still be, a total belief in God, I guess is what I am trying to ask?

    You could be right reagarding the Ishmael line. Who knows? I know this, Hagar’s line is somewhere, as again God said He would give her many descendants. The Muslims are very much in the OT. This was the army He brought against Israel. My personal belief is, that is where it stemmed from is Hagar.

    Now if you could please explain to me what is meant when you say the length of history between Abraham and Mohammed is about 2500 years, so I can have a clearer understanding what you mean by this, I might see it in a different view.

    Still a good post though.

  4. Thanks for allowing me to clarify.

    Yes, God created the Muslims, no doubt. But the God they worship seems to be different, to me, than the one we worship. Could be their vision of the God of the Old Testament (as some see that as a different God from the God of the New Testament-but that’s heresy!).

    Abraham lived about 1800 years before Christ. Mohammed had his visions in the cave about 600-700AD. That’s about 2500 years. As you can see from our friend Ivar, who gets his Christianity from St. Thomas in India, when a segment gets cut off from the rest of the faith, it tends to get corrupted. In Mohammed’s case, it seems to be a long time between the launch of Islam and the Genesis narrative. The Mohammedan faith seems to be a corruption of Jewish faith. Think of the telephone game where you pass a story quickly between people by word of mouth around the campfire, and when it gets back to you, it’s off about 90 degrees…

  5. Okay I see what you are saying. (You know I will always allow you to clarify like you need my allowing:>)

    Let me state to you what I feel you are saying. The Muslim religion so to speak did not begin until after the visions of Mohammed. Very good point, if I am understanding you correctly. However it is reported in history that the Muslims were the one’s who destroyed the first Temple. Even though this army came from Iraq was this a Muslim nation at this time,or was it no religion or some other religion? Hummmm…..good thought process here. Now David answer me this question? Did Islam begin with Mohammed, or was it already pre-established?

    As far as OT God I get it now. Many of my friends still refer to God as an OT and NT God, it is not just the Muslims. How people do this I do not know, that is why I am so thankful for His mercy.

    Off of the subject, Angela’s blog. We gravate like roaches don’t we??? I am with you. Way to much “babbling” to make any sense out of it. I am done with that one also. Take care.

  6. Sometimes I mis-speak, and I need to clarify, so thanks for pointing out my errors-I need a watchdog! 😀

    To clarify, I think the Babylonians destroyed Solomon’s temple. I believe they were pagan. Muhammad is the prophet of Islam. He was a religious, political, and military leader who founded the religion of Islam. Muslims view him not as the creator of a new religion, but as the restorer of the original, uncorrupted monotheistic faith of Adam, Abraham, Moses, Jesus and others.

    I guess we see him differently.

    God Bless.

  7. Thanks so much for good discussion and in no way was I trying to point out “error.” Just was needing to understand where you were coming from. Never fear though the watch-dog is here, and I think that holds true for both of us, poor people:>) Take care and have a good one.

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